My Background.
I've been involved in the kink scene for over 10 years. I'm a fairly well-rounded person in the arts with experience in theatre, dance, performance, comedy, illustration & painting, makeup, sewing and costume design to name a few. And believe me - I've used *all* of them in my kinky life!
How I Explain BDSM & What I Do To The General Public.
I don't like spicy food. It's painful, awful and I don't know why anyone would enjoy something that makes their nose run, their eyes tear up, and their throat burn. But people do. LOTS AND LOTS OF PEOPLE. There are Facebook groups, brands, festivals, cultures dedicated to spicy food. I don't have to like something to see the value and pleasure other people derive from it. Why would I stop someone from eating spicy food when it has nothing to do with my eating habits. I can have a conversation about what ingesting spicy food gives them. But I can't talk someone out of liking spicy food because that's how their biology works. And the only reason to try would be to reject who they are and what they like. Consenting Adults don't bully other consenting adults.
If someone has a mainstream interest that relieves stress, makes their world still, gets them in touch with themselves or brings them back to the present, they are experiencing the same focus, exertion, of getting "in the zone" and subspace of BDSM. Different strokes for different folks but they all make us feel the same. Here are some examples:
- Running
- Dancing
- Riding your motorcycle to clear your head (to feel free)
- Getting lost writing a novel
- Making Art
- Performing onstage
- Cooking & Baking
- Mediation
- Yoga
Why I Love Being A Dominatrix
It's another way to take care of people. Creating space for someone to be themselves without shame, without judgement and *with* radical acceptance, physical, emotional and mental safety, patience, compassion and empathy. On the surface there are whips, chains, stern looks and restrained limbs but these are tools used to facilitate balance for both the Dominant and the submissive. It's a constant conversation that takes place through words, actions, presentation and intention. Imposed gender roles and toxic masculinity put people in boxes they don't belong in. Not every man wants to be tough. A lot of people spend years reinforcing those layers of protection against society. Much like how the army will "break" recruits to build them back up, Dominants will use techniques to shatter egos to expose vulnerability in a safe environment.
My Approach
There is NEVER shame in having limits or using safe words. It's necessary for a healthy experience. I have limits. Negotiations don't start and stop at the beginning. Communication is constant. We don't always know how we'll react to sensations or roles. Whether it'll be positive or negative. You can always say no and change your mind. Always.
